Understanding with a hint of Lemon
by Branwyn Snape
Summary: What happens when fifteen teenagers are transported into a world they never even knew existed? And then are told that they are part of an ancient prophecy that forbidded them to use their magic before they were 18? Rated R for later chapters!
1. Entrance and Explanation

**Author's note: **This story was the brain box, not only of me but of my good friend Louise Wilkinson who is just, if not more talented at coming up with very random things.

**Disclaimer: **Fifteen teenagers who have been brought together because of a prophecy are now at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. They are assigned to different Professor's to learn specific magic. There was much hilarity.

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**Chapter 1: Entrance and Explanations**

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Have you ever wondered what the most obvious question in the world is? Well, at last I can reveal that very question. It is; 'What does a teenager do on their eighteenth birthday'? See, I told you that was obvious!

Our story begins on the 26th of August 2004 and it is Shaun's eighteenth (see the connection?). Here we will find thirteen of our fifteen young victims (yes I called them victims, it's not a typo). Everyone is having a great time, which is probably due to the amount of alcohol being consumed. Soon these unwitting teenagers will find themselves in a strange, (kind of foreign) place, meeting new unusual creatures, which will change their outlook on life and God forbid, their drinking habits.

"I think you've had enough Sarah." Laughed Louise, as she wrestled an ecstatic, and totally pissed blonde to the floor, snatching the bottle of Archers Aqua from her fingers. "I don't think Shaun wants his birthday cake regurgitated on his mother's new carpet!"

"You stink!" She slurred, as her ability to speak seemed to have died a while back.

"That I do Sarah that I do!" Replied Louise rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

Although Louise had in fact drunk twice as much as Sarah that night, it had become pretty obvious to onlookers that Louise was no lightweight drinker; Sarah however was an entirely different bottle of vodka. One drink and the girl was gone for at least three hours. At the despair of having her drink wrestled off her, Sarah stumbled to the nearest chair and sank moodily into it. Shaun made his way over to her, eyes rather red and slightly crossed.

"Louise said you can have one more drink –" Began Shaun, but was interrupted by a loud "Yay!" from Sarah.

"Of orange juice!" Said Shaun loudly over Sarah's exclamation, with a slight smirk on his face.

"Piss off then! Why do I have to do what she says anyway?" Spat Sarah, flopping back into the chair and immediately scanning the room for a weak person to scam drinks off of.

Shaun shook his head and returned to Louise and his girlfriend Sian, who were giggling madly about something in the far corner of the living room. However, their giggling ceased immediately as they noticed Shaun approaching them. His raised his eyebrows as the corners of their mouths twitched with suppressed laughter. Shaun merely shrugged his shoulders.

"She wouldn't take it." Said Shaun to Louise, handing back her glass of orange he had offered to Sarah.

"Oh well," sighed Louise, still smirking; "now we can tell her parents that we tried so they can't blame us for her hangover. Just her tomorrow morning!"

Sian laughed.

At that moment, a very tall girl dressed as a very peculiar looking witch ran over to the small group. There was an air of insanity about her, and she seemed to be very distressed about something.

"Alright Claire." Greeted Sian, as Claire ambled over. "What's up?"

"WHAT'S UP?" Screamed Claire, making them all back against the wall in fear. "I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S UP! SOMEONE HAS STOLEN MY BROOM!"

"What?" Voiced Louise, looking confused.

"She said," whispered Shaun, "that someone has stolen her broom."

"I know that you twit!" Snapped Louise. To calm her down, Louise got up and held onto Claire's shoulders

"When did it go missing?"

Claire's anger at her missing broom seemed to be ebbing slightly, and she carried on more calmly than before.

"Just now," she said, "I was talking to Sarah and she asked me for a drink. But I remembered you saying that she wasn't allowed any, so I said no. Next thing I know, my broom was gone!"

The trio sighed, and then began to laugh as they caught sight of Sarah leading a conga line into the hallway, another bottle of alcohol in one hand, and Claire's broom in the other.

"Where did she get that from?" Cried Louise in despair as she pointed to the newly acquired bottle.

"Who cares lets join them!" Cried Sian, giggling madly, "It's got to be better than talking about how Shaun's hung like a tic tac!"

So Sian, Louise and Claire moved to the end of the dancing line, dragging a rather indignant Shaun behind.

Meanwhile, Helen, an old school friend of Louise's, turned off the program on the T.V. that she had stayed up to watch, and stretched in her armchair.

"Maybe I should have gone to that fancy dress party with Louise, could have been a lot better than this on a Friday night!"

Voicing this annoyed statement to thin air, she turned in her chair to pick up the book she had left on the floor earlier.

With his head resting on his computer desk, university student Jerome was given a rude awakening by his phone vibrating against his cheek.

"What the!" He yelled, earning himself a banging on his wall by the person in the next room. Looking at his phone he cringed. "Who the hell is Arnold the turtle who lives in my spoon?" realising the truth of what this really was, he groaned,

"I never should have given Sarah Turner my number!" He turned of his phone and leaned back in his desk chair.

The conga line had made their way through the living room, the hallway, up and down the stairs and even into Shaun's sister's room which was supposedly of limits, with Shaun groaning

"She's gonna know, don't ask me how, but she will and she'll take it out on me!"

The group of very inebriated teenagers finally moved through the doorway that entered into the kitchen, dancing wildly to the song of Las Ketchup in a drunken conga holding bottles of half drunk bottles of (yep, you guessed it) more alcohol!

Once the whole line was through the door, something black and man shaped collided with the middle of the line, sending hysterical teenagers everywhere like dominos.

About ten minutes earlier

As Helen sat upright she gasped, the T.V. was gone, no correct that, her living room was gone. She looked around in shock; she was sitting in, what looked like an old fashioned wood panelled room full of mismatched chairs.

"Where the HELL AM I!" Yelled the hysterical Helen.

"Calm down dear, you're perfectly safe. My name is Madame Pomfrey." The matronly woman smiled at her. After handing her a hot chocolate, she added as an afterthought.

"Perhaps the question of where you are should wait until the others get here, you arrived a little ahead of schedule I'm afraid."

About five minutes after that

As Jerome leaned back in the chair, he realised too late that his friend who had given him the chair had told him about its dodgy back. Jerome fell backwards as the chairs back rather rudely gave way, sending him flying back onto his floor. The only problem was, it didn't feel like his floor, his floor was wood and he expected that to hurt a little. But this REALLY hurt! He opened his eyes, only to find, not white washed ceiling, but wooden beams. Moments later as pain ripped through his head, making it seem like there was a fair ground band having its rehearsals there, he became aware of someone leaning over him.

"Listen to me boy, open your mouth and swallow this potion!" Stated the voice of an irritated man. Instinctively Jerome had moved away from what the man was holding out to him. This mystery man, apparently not one for patients, picked Jerome's top half up and forced the fluid from what looked like a test tube down his throat. Spluttering, Jerome noticed the pain in his head had gone from the equivalent of the entire band to just the halfhearted drummer.

"Albus, I told you it would have been better for these poor students to be put through this in the morning!" Cried an indignant female voice. Jerome opened his eyes into a scowling face of, no it couldn't be, Jerome thought. However it was, he as looking straight into the irritated expression of none other than Severus Snape potion master of Hogwarts.

The owner of the indignant female voice came into view. Madam Pomfrey! This was surreal Jerome thought, then burst out laughing at the scene that evolved around him.

Madam Pomfrey, in a rush to get to her new patient, pushed Professor Snape out of the way, sending him of balance and falling into the middle of a conga line of apparently very drunk students dressed up in god knows what, sending the whole group, Snape included falling like dominos all over the floor.

Sarah felt someone land on her, looking up, she saw, no! Yes! Black greasy hair, hooked nose and angry expression. Her dream man - Snape!

Snape instantly got to his feet and moved away from Sarah and her Cheshire cat grin. Sarah, as we discovered earlier was not in her right mind, followed him, eventually backing the confused Professor against a wall, before leaning up and sniffing his hair.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" Roared a horrified Snape.

"Smelling you!" smiled an over excited Sarah.

**Author's note: **I would just like to say that all the character's that do not belong to J.K.Rowling are of real people, thirteen of whom I am very good friends with! Love you all!

Read and review please!


	2. Meetings and Pairings

**Author's note:** I hope by now that you have all realised that this story is completely random and full of innuendos and me touching Snape up (cool I know)! But anyway I hope you like this chapter, 'cos we do!****

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**Chapter 2: Meetings and pairings**

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"Come on Sarah," giggled Luisa, grabbing Sarah by the arm and dragging her away from Snape, "its okay Professor, she's drunk."

"Not that she's any better when she's sober." Louise cut in, smirking slightly at Snape's disgusted expression.

Once the pandemonium of the conga line had died down, Professor Dumbledore motioned for the partially pissed and extremely confused teenagers to take their seats in the staff room. Louise thinking it to be a funny situation, with much excitement from Sarah, swapped seats so Snape had to put up with a drunken eighteen year old staring avidly at him. Needless to say, Snape was not pleased with this seating arrangement and scowled at Louise for the remainder of the meeting.

"Right, my name is Albus Dumbledore and you are currently seated in with the staff of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, in the staff room at precisely midnight," said Dumbledore once everyone had got settled, "before we start, I would ask you to contain the contents of your stomachs till after the meeting, then you may do what you wish with them." His eyes twinkled at Claire and Sian who were beginning to turn green. "Now, I expect you are all wondering what's going on."

"Too bloody right we are!" Jenny and Vicky shouted in unison.

"Now now, there is no need for panic." Said Dumbledore calmly.

"Oh who said we're panicking?" Cried Jenny hysterically. "I mean just because one minute we were in a living room having fun, and the next we are in some shit hole castle, doesn't mean we're panicking!"

Snape made eye contact with Louise, motioning towards a glass of water in front of her. She gave him a grateful smile and without hesitation threw the water over Jenny's head, who screamed and jumped out of her seat in frenzy. Unfortunately, Louise threw the water with such force that she had caught Professor Trelawney who was sitting next to Jenny, shrieking, she too jumped to her feet. The staff, mostly Snape and McGonagall, gave Louise appreciative glances before returning their attention to Dumbledore, who watching the drama unfold with barely suppressed laughter.

"Now that I have your attention," said Dumbledore once Jenny's shrieks had died down, "I am about to explain why I have brought you here."

"About time!" Piped up Sarah, still gazing at Snape, "Not that I'm complaining!"

"As I was saying," Dumbledore said, his eye twinkling slightly at Snape who had recoiled to the other side of his chair, so as to be as far away from Sarah as possible, "First and most important of all, all fifteen of you are wizards and witches. Secondly, due to a prophecy that was made before any of you were born, you have not been able to have access to your powers until tonight. This deadline has been extended however due to the current state of some of you." He added, his gaze travelling around the room.

"What the duck are you on about man?" Shaun cried out.

Snape raised an eyebrow; Louise caught his attention and looked at him as if the answer was obvious.

"He was going to say fuck," she sighed, "but as he doesn't swear anymore, so he's being creative with alternatives."

The room was silent for a moment, during which the fifteen teenagers stared at Professor Dumbledore thinking at how bad their hangovers would be the next morning.

"I am saying Mr Winship," Dumbledore chuckled at Shaun's face, "that all of you have to be trained to use your powers responsibly and since you are too old to attend Hogwarts properly."

"Then why didn't you contact us when we weren't too old?" Asked Luisa, speaking for the fist time.

"Think about it," drawled Louise, "we reacted like this now, imagine what we would have been like when we were say, eleven."

"Very good Miss Wilkinson," said Dumbledore, "but that I am afraid is not the only reason, but we shall discuss it at a later date when you are –ah–in a better state of mind. For the next year you will be assisting a Professor that I have assigned you to, this will enable you to learn specific magic that we have feel you would be suited to and therefore not be overwhelmed by it all."

"I think we are overwhelmed already, so it's too late to be worried about that." Stated Jerome calmly.

"So who have you put us with Professor?" Asked Sarah T, speaking for the first time, having remained uncharacteristically silent until now.

"As soon as you are all conscious, I will tell you." Smiled Dumbledore, indicating to Dawn and Dan who had fallen asleep about an hour ago.

"I'll take care of that." Smirked Sarah, standing up and walked to Dawn and Dan until she was a few inches from Dawn's ear.

"JENNIFER GARNER AND TOM FELTON ARE STREAKING!" She yelled into her ear.

Both Dawn and Dan jumped out of their chairs, glancing around them and both yelling, "Where?"

"Told you." Chuckled Sarah and taking her seat next to Snape once more.

Dumbledore laughed quietly. "Ahem, now that I have _everyone's _attention, I shall tell you who you will be paired up with for the next year." He took from his pocket a long slip of parchment. "Mr Cook, you will be with Minerva McGonagall her subject is Transfiguration. Miss Wilkinson, your partner will be Professor Snape and his subject is Potions."

There was an angry exclamation from Sarah, and a sigh of relief from Snape. The other teachers however, were now looking at Louise in the deepest sympathy.

"Miss Lewis, you shall be partnering Professor Lupin and his subject is Defence against the Dark Arts." Dawn giggled, but was nudged by Dan who looked hurt. "Miss Worsley, you shall be with Professor Flitwick, he teachers Charms."

Sarah could only manage a small nod, and then went back to subtly stroking Snape's thigh.

"Miss, would you please remove your hand from there." Hissed Snape through gritted teeth.

Louise leant over and dug her nails into Sarah's outstretched hand, which immediately flew back to her lap.

"Miss Turner, you will be with Professor Sprout, she teaches Herbology." Sarah groaned in displeasure and began to sulk. "Miss Pamment, you shall be working with Madam Pomfrey as a trainee Healer. Miss Hodgetts, you will be working with Madam Hooch as a Flying instructor."

Jenny suddenly looked scared, thinking that she was about to become a pilot for a Boeing 747.

"Miss Holgate, you will be an assistant librarian with Madam Pince." Continued Dumbledore. "Miss Cook, you will be assisting Professor Hagrid with Care of Magical Creatures. Miss Bright, you shall be studying Arithmancy with Professor Vector."

Sian mouthed 'What?' to Luisa who just shrugged.

"Mr Warren, you shall be doing Muggle Studies (that's non-magical people) with Professor Longbottom." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled at this, although the others couldn't see the joke. "Mr Winship, you shall be with Professor Sinistra and she teachers Astronomy. Miss O'Brien you shall be partnering Professor Trelawney."

At this point, many of the faculty and their assistants smirked. Professor Trelawney however, smiled at Claire who waved back.

"Mr Brent, you shall be studying History of Magic with Professor Binns." Reece shot a nervous look at the ghost drifting creepily by his side. "And finally, Miss Hagele you shall be with Professor Scoresby who teaches Ancient Runes."

_Some time later …_

"Just a thought," voiced Reece from the shadows, "where are we going to live whilst we are here?"

"Glad you asked that Master Brent," replied Dumbledore lightly, sucking thoughtfully on the end of a sugar quill, "you will all have to be sorted into your houses, and to do that I shall ask you to put this hat onto your heads." He indicated to a patched and frayed hat on a three-legged stool to his left.

They were interrupted by a loud and very angry exclamation for the corner of the room. When they all turned round, they saw Professor Snape backed up against the wall and Sarah still sitting on her chair grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Y-You ever try that again!" He cried in outrage.

"Try what again?" Asked Sarah innocently, her eyes bulging.

"Sarah! What have I told you about manhandling men in that way? Kindly refrain from doing that to my Professor again unless he invites it!" Stated Louise in a stern McGonagall expression.

"Which he won't!" Cried Snape indignantly, and moving to stand against the window at the far end of the staff room behind Louise.

"Party pooper." Complained Sarah, sitting up in her chair and crossing her arms in protest.

_At the Sorting …_

"Now, when I place the Sorting Hat on your head you will be sorted into your houses." Professor McGonagall informed the teenagers. "The four houses are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin."

"Piece of crumb cake." Muttered Reece to Sarah, who began to giggle.

"Cook, Jerome." McGonagall read off a slip of parchment.

Jerome separated himself from the crowd and sat on the three legged stool. McGonagall placed the hat on his head. Merely ten seconds later, that hat had shouted out:

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"I should think so too." Said Professor McGonagall approvingly.

"O'Brien, Claire."

Claire flew out of the group and nearly knocked the stool over in her excitement to get sorted. McGonagall reluctantly placed the hat on her head, and after nearly half a minute.

"SLYTHERIN!"

"Woohoo!" Cried Claire, as she jumped down from the stool to re-join her friends.

McGonagall raised her eyebrows at Claire, and returned her attention to the sorting.

"Lewis, Dawn."

Dawn, giggling hysterically sat down on the sorting stool, the hat placed on her head.

"Easy, GRYFFINDOR!"

"Saucy!" Smirked Dawn, sitting back down beside Dan.

"Turner, Sarah."

Although wishing the hat to be quick, it took slightly longer on her than the others, finally shouting out,

"GRYFFINDOR" A rather relieved Sarah T sat back down.

"Warren, Daniel."

Almost as soon as Dan's head touched the hat,

"GRYFFINDOR"

"Well, we seem to have quite a few Gryffindors don't we? Who's next Minerva? Smiled Dumbledore, his words slightly muffled, due to the Toffee Penny wedged in his teeth.

"I believe you are the last to be sorted." Snape stated to Louise, who was still positioned in front of him to warn off Sarah.

"As long as I'm not in Hufflepuff!" She answered. "As long as you're not in anything but Slytherin more like!" Retorted Snape in irritation. "Well if you're going to be like that!" With that Louise motioned to Sarah to come over, just as McGonagall called,

"Wilkinson, Louise"

"Don't worry professor, I'll keep you company!" Said Sarah suggestively, edging him against the wall.

A certain relieved professor heard "SLYTHERIN" a few minutes later.

"Worsley, Sarah"

"OH, just when things were getting interesting!" Pouted Sarah as she made her way over to the hat and stool.

"We've had all of the Gryffindors, so what will you be I wonder?" Asked a thoughtful Trelawny. "Well Sybil, I thought you would already know the answer." McGonagall stated dryly. "Of course I already know the answer Minerva, but those with the gift of the inner eye such as myself must refrain from using it at every opportunity." Sybil Trelawny answered tartly.

"HUFFLEPUFF" Stated the hat, interrupting the tense conversation.

"Wonderful!" Cried Dumbledore, startling everyone. "Now that everyone has been sorted into their houses, I believe it is high time that you all went to bed!"

"My thought exactly!" Whispered Sarah to a now, extremely disturbed Snape, who moved to stand beside Louise. "If she constantly behaves like this, something unpleasant may happen to your friend." Louise sighed and turned to look at him. "Don't worry, as soon as she's sober, she'll be so embarrassed by what she's done, she'll steer well clear of you!"

"If I could have your attention," Dumbledore stated in a stern voice. "In your house groups of three or four, you will have rooms to yourselves at one of the four corners of the castle. The entrance will be different depending on the house you are in, but your rooms will basically be the same! The door will open into a shared workroom, which we will change to suit your subjects. Above that is a common room. Leading from there will be either three or four staircases, one for each person, containing a bathroom and large bedroom. No Miss Lewis you cannot share your rooms with anyone else."

"Miss Worsley, whatever it is that you are suggesting to Professor Snape to cause him to go so pale, I believe that it will not be allowed!" Stated a stern McGonagall.

"Your heads of houses will now lead you to your rooms and give you your passwords to both the main rooms and your private ones. Sleep well for tomorrow you will be taken shopping for your supplies and robes."

TBC …


	3. Shopping! Something we muggles know abou...

**Author's note: **I am sane ... hmmm, perhaps I am not such a good liar after all!

**Disclaimer: **As you may have guessed from the title, the gang now carries out the world record attempt from the amount of shopping done in a day! Read and Review!

**Chapter 3: Shopping! Something we muggles know about**

It is a common misconception of many young people in Britain that drinking your own weight in alcohol will not bring on one hell of a hangover the next morning, although that kind of thought does not necessarily cross your mind the night before. So when the fifteen newly christened witches and wizards woke the next morning, they were surprised to find that their heads felt like someone had hit them repeatedly for six hours with a blunt stick.

At precisely 7.00am in the morning, the fifteen future apprentices of Hogwarts were woken by a loud alarm call. Although I do not think that _alarm _would suffice – how about the very loud, piercing screech of a cockerel. Hagrid and Dumbledore had thought it a good idea the previous night to wake the fifteen young witches and wizards (who would have one bad ass headache) with, the rather not so subtle sound of four _very_loud cockerels. And they say very old wizards have no sense of humour ... my bottom they don't.

"What the hell?" was the entire Gryffindor towers responses, before promptly diving under their covers to avoid the unwanted morning light which had burnt their eyes.

The Ravenclaw's, on the other side of the castle, merely groaned and frantically squashed their heads underneath their pillows (which of course didn't work).

The Hufflepuffs - being the quietest of the four - simply groaned in their sleep before turning over, trying to block out a sound that was familiar to Sarah singing (or attempting to anyway). As for the Slytherins, all including Helen, were currently thinking of ways to make sure that the bird never made that sound again, or lived, if they could help it. Meanwhile, Sian, Shaun and Sarah T were attempting with little success to avoid a visit to the bathroom, their stomachs apparently bent on showing them just how much it didn't appreciate last nights level of alcohol! That'll teach them ... or not!

"I am never going to drink that much ever again!" Cried Sarah in the Gryffindor living room then proceeded to clutch her head, instantly regretting it.

Dawn sniggered at that comment, earning her a look or pure hatred from Sarah.

"Just try not to look at the sun, and drink this." Jerome instructed, handing Sarah a goblet of what looked like congealed snot.

"I am not drinking _that_!" Exclaimed Sarah, horrified at the thought of drinking other peoples mucus.

"All of the others did!" Retorted Jerome (Louise had warned him about Sarah, and he was going to take precautions).

"Where'd it come from?" She asked, glaring at the goblet, then him.

"Professor Snape dropped them of this morning, and yes you have to drink it, it's a sober up potion. You'll feel a lot better when you do take it!" He protested. "Anyway I promised him you would, apparently he would have made sure personally, but his own house needed them as well."

"I would have preferred it if he had administered it personally!" Sarah muttered sulkily, Jerome simply rolled his eyes and turned his gaze to Dawn how was looking thoughtful (cue dun dun duns)!

"Are you_ sure_ it's for sobering us up, and isn't secretly some kind of poison, you know like a final revenge against his most hated house?" Dawn theorised whilst trying to avoid looking in the direction of the windows, or the lumpy potion Sarah was about to drink.

"Look, all the Professor said was that you had to take them or you wouldn't be well enough to go shopping in London today." Jerome calmly explained before heading up the stairs to his own rooms.

"Here goes nothing." Said Sarah, her eyes screwed up in deep disgust as she took a big gulp of the potion.

"Argh!" She exclaimed seconds later, spitting out the remaining potion in her mouth onto the floor. "I think I know what happened to your turtle, Dan!"

"Well, I guess we can trust him, he is our head of house." Said Claire, eyeing her own potion warily.

"That doesn't stop him from hating you." Muttered Helen under her breath so Professor Snape wouldn't hear her.

"Just take it!" Ordered Louise, sitting on the couch with Snape, having already taken then choked on hers. "Nothing has ever stood between me and shopping, and I'll be damned if your going to!"

Snape merely smirked, _well_, he thought, _at least my apprentice can order others around; I guess that's something._

"Lou, I want you to promise me something." Helen stated in a stern voice, choosing to ignore Claire splutters of disgust as she downed her potion.

"What?" Louise asked, adding three overflowing teaspoons of sugar to her coffee.

"I want you to promise me that you won't buy . . ." Helen started.

"I promise to whatever it is as long as it's not chocolate, books or shoes!" Louise cut her off, taking a sip of the sugar filled coffee, much to the disgust of Reese.

"Oh come on, no more shoes, surely you don't need any more shoes!" Helen whined.

"I stand by my statement; you can never have too many shoes!" Louise answered proudly.

"Damn straight!" Chorused Sarah and Sian who had just appeared in the doorway.

Sarah took a seat next to Louise, and chose to ignore the fact that Snape was sitting inches from her.

"So are we going shopping or are we going to waste our time trying to get Louise to promise something that's about as likely to happen as Sian giving up chocolate!" Sarah demanded, trying not to be obvious in staring at Snape, clearly being a little more discreet about that fact that she found Snape to be damn sexy.

Snape audibly groaned at the reminder that he had to spend a day shopping with this girl.

"The sooner we leave, the sooner we can come back Severus!" Announced the squeaky voice of Professor Flitwick from somewhere behind the group of Gryffindor and Hufflepuff girls, that were crowded together in the doorway.

"Oh do cheer up Severus; it's only two more hours!" Ordered McGonagall as she enlarged a book from her pocket to show Jerome.

"Oh, and is that supposed to cheer me up Minerva?" Scowled Snape moodily.

Professor McGonagall rolled her eyes and returned her concentration to Jerome. Snape glanced at Sarah who was snoring extremely loudly as they rolled out of Hogsmead station, he decided sit next to the door in case a quick escape was required. _Although, _he thought, _she seems to have quietened down since last night_. Just as this though entered his mind, Sarah chose this time to rejoin the world that was the train carriage, sitting up she began to clean her glasses whilst turning to Louise. Snape rolled his eyes and turned away from the group.

"So what's the criteria for today? Muggle then wizarding, or vice versa? What your agenda for the shop tour, we need to prioritise here!" She said to Louise.

"Hmm," pondered Louise, as if her very life depended on making the right decision, "well I think Muggle shops first, as there are some – ahem – interesting new lingerie shops that I would like to sample."

Snape made a derisive noise from the corner of the compartment, and looked at Louise.

"And what would you mean by _interesting_ lingerie, Miss Wilkinson?" Asked Snape, somehow dreading the answer.

"Oh, well Louise has been buying these really nice stockings and suspenders recently and ..." Sarah answered for her,

"Sarah!" Louise cried in outrage, her eyes going dangerously wide.

"But what about that corset set last month when we went shopping?" Sarah carried on, failing to notice that Louise was glaring daggers.

"Sarah if you don't shut the hell up, I am going to show you just I am Professor Snape's assistant!" Louise cut her off again.

Snape looked at her approvingly, whilst Sarah just stared dumbstruck (normal, if you ask me) at Louise, who seemed very pleased with herself.

"Where do you wanna go?" Louise asked, patiently putting the journal away in her bag.

"La Senza! How long have we got anyway?" Sarah asked, directing her question at Snape.

"You will have until 5.30 this evening which is when we will board the train to leave, and we will adjourn for lunch in the Leaky Cauldron at 1:30. Does that satisfy your burning curiosity Miss Worsley?" Snape drawled without turning away from the article that he was apparently engrossed in.

"Which reminds me! Since you are such a big group, it has been decided by Professor Dumbledore that it would be wiser to split up into smaller groups to go shopping in, so as not to be so obvious." Professor McGonagall announced to the carriage at large.

"Can we pick?" Jerome asked nervously, not relishing the prospect of a day spent shopping in the company of Sarah T and Louise.

"Of course you can pick your groups! We're not that strict!" McGonagall chuckled, causing Snape to stare at her over his article in shock at her display of humour.

"Oh Severus do lighten up!" She answered, noticing his expression.

Putting the article away, Snape turned to regard his apprentice.

"Since you and Miss Turner seem to have a longer association than the rest, I suggest that she, Professor Sprout, yourself and I form a group."

Observing the stunned faces of the carriage occupants, McGonagall came to the obvious conclusion,

"Severus! How many times did I warn you not to glean knowledge from their minds without their consent!"

Snape merely sneered in reply,

"It makes no difference Minerva, it is still the most sensible decision." He finished with a tone that suggested that the decision was final. (Well not if Sarah had something to do with it!)

"Lou?" Sarah proceeded to whine.

Gaining no response, she tried again,

"Lou Lou",

Still receiving no response from the occupier of the next seat, she decided to push her luck (something that had gained her the nasty scar on her arm a month beforehand).

"Lou Lou Be.." She began,

"What?!" Louise finished, stopping Sarah from voicing that particular nickname.

"Can I join your group? I'll be good, no sweets I promise!" She pleaded, a slightly manic tone etched in her voice.

"What if we won't let you?" Sarah T challenged, continuing the childish conversation.

Sarah leaned forward, and whispered in her ear.

"YOU WOULDN'T!!" she shouted in complete and utter repulsion.

Sarah T gave Louise a look; sighing Louise turned to Snape and said in a clearly irritated voice,

"She's coming with us, and don't ask!" she said in answer to the question he was about to voice.

"Err Lou, how did you know what Professor Snape was going to say?"

Louise was spared from answering by a distraction in the form of Claire. Running down the trains gangway wearing a long flowery, baby blue dress with matching dolly shoes and hair ribbons, quickly followed by Reese looking like a member of the village people and Jenny, bringing up the rear, in a pink tutu, glittery tights and matching top, the outfit being completed with a rather out of place set of cowboy boots and hat!

Sarah looked at Louise and grinning, shouted,

"Vicky!"

Moments later, said culprits head popped in through the open carriage door, grinning in a decidedly manic fashion.

Sighing, and armed with her own wand to prevent something similar befalling her, she asked the obvious,

"Did you do that?" Louise asked, putting on her irritated teacher tone, whilst looking over her glasses at the guilty party.

"Cool innit!" Vicky laughed, then gestured for the girls to follow her into the gangway.

"Random more like!" Sarah chimed in before getting up.

"The whole lot of you are random and unpredictable!" Jerome stated in annoyance and disbelief.

"Its what we do!" Sarah T answered from beside him.

"Damn straight!" Vicky joined in.

The train suddenly started to lurch, turning a sharp bend in the track, causing everyone to hang on to stop themselves falling over. However, Sarah being Sarah and not having good balance, lost it and fell, finding herself straddling Snape's lap.

"Get in there girl!" Vicky hollered in approval.

"Miss Pamment really!" McGonagall sputtered indignantly.

"And here's me thinking you were going to wait for the right moment to pin Professor Snape to a solid surface and show him what a Gryffindor can do." Louise teased, helping Sarah to her feet.

Sarah was in fact taking great notice of her feet at that moment as well as rapidly turning a brilliant red in the process.

"Wow keep going Worsley and you'll match Louise's jumper" Vicky smirked.

(Louise having decided to wear one of her many bright red tops, despite Snape's rather audible muttering of 'secretly Gryffindor' under his breath)

Sarah and a disturbingly quiet Snape were spared any further embarrassment by the train pulling to a stop at Kings Cross station.

Once everyone had disembarked, Claire, Reese and Jenny's clothing was restored to normal, (well as normal as Claire's clothing gets anyway) and Sian had been turned back from a hamster (can't explain), the groups separated and, with a stern reminder from McGonagall about the appointed lunch time, headed into the muggle city.

"What is this La Senza then?" Flitwick squeaked as they reached the steps to the underground. Sarah T merely started giggling at said question, before walking into a bollard.

"Sarah NO!!" Louise cried, suddenly launching herself at Sarah, trying to pry something from her hand. Unfortunately she wasn't quick enough, as Sarah swallowed the contents of her hand.

"What was that?" Snape asked in a slightly irritated tone.

"Skittles!" Louise confirmed miserably, "now she'll be bloody impossible! Thank you so much!" She added sarcastically, glaring at Sarah T, who answered with a look of pure innocence. (Which believe me, has never convinced anyone!)

The effect was, I am afraid to say, immediate. Within five minutes of taking them Sarah was sitting next to Snape on the circle line, constantly fidgeting and trying to take Snape's hand much to his evident disgust.

**Author's note: **So, you thought that we had the actual shopping ... suckers pokes tongue out Please review!


	4. La Senza and more

**Author's note: **And there was much rejoicing ... hurray!!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything ... wait that's not right! Hang on, I do not own the Harry Potter characters ... except mine and the plot! Hmm, still don't sound right to me gets shot in back

* * *

**Chapter 4: La Senza and more!**

"Phew, who would have thought we could carry our own body weight in shopping for five miles?!" Wheezed Sarah hours later as they joined their Professor's in the Leaky cauldron.

"I dunno my friend," replied Louise, dumping her three bags of shoes under the table, "but we did!"

"You bought more shoes?" Cried Helen in disbelief.

"Your point?" Louise answered indifferently, helping herself and Sarah to the mashed potato.

Snape merely rolled his eyes at the girls, and went back to drinking a very strong mug of black coffee (McGonagall had said it would have been unprofessional to drink alcohol in front of the students). Sarah suddenly made a very loud exclamation and dived under the table and retrieved a small bag with La Senza on the front.

"Oh, lookie what I bought!" She squealed, pulling out a pair of small blue lace thongs.

"And what is _that_?" Questioned Snape, raising an eyebrow.

"Underwear!" Replied Sarah brightly, all embarrassment from the previous night forgotten.

"That," answered Snape leaning forward and taking the 'underwear' from Sarah and examining it closely, "is a handkerchief!"

"Hey, that is a very expensive and very revealing thong thank you very much!" Sarah retorted, snatching the thong back from Snape and hastily stuffed them back into her bag. "But that's nothing compared to what we were looking at in Ann Summers! Hey Lou, what did you think of that corset and stocking set?" Sarah continued,

"Which one? The red or the black and blue lace?" Louise asked between mouthfuls of Cornish pasty.

"The red one," replied Sarah finishing a mouthful of marshmallows she had pulled from her pocket, "the one that came with a free whip."

"No I didn't like that one, I bought the other one, the one with added black." Louise added conversationally before taking the bag and handing it to Sarah to see.

"Oh yeah I remember that, I was gonna get it but I wanted the dil –" Sarah started, but Louise coughed loudly, and took the bag back from her.

"Ahem, I think that's enough for now!" Piped up Luisa from the corner, starting on her salad.

The teachers suddenly looked very intently at Sarah, who had now realised her verbal diarrhoea and ceased talking (for now).

* * *

Some time later ... 

"So where are we going after lunch?" Voiced Sarah nearly an hour later.

"I think Ollivanders first? Wands seem a necessity in this world." Smirked Louise, as though the answer was obvious.

"Oh I've always wanted a magic wand!" Exclaimed Dawn loudly, rather like an excited child who had just been given a sweet.

Snape rolled his eyes, something that he was quite used to doing since the arrival of these so called, 'witches' and 'wizards'.

"That's not very fair now is it? I mean we've only known that for a day! Give us a break you patronizing, sarcastically evil nazi!" Louise yelled at Snape, causing both he and Lupin to cough in their drinks.

"I told you to be careful what you thought, Severus!" Smirked Lupin from behind his chipped mug.

"Be quiet Lupin." Snarled Snape clearly abashed that he had been made a fool of. "As for you Miss Wilkinson, keep your tongue behind your teeth if you wish me to play fair."

"The same can be said to you my dear Professor! Unless of course you want to find out why Sarah generally does what I say!" Retorted Louise, giving Snape the pleasure of a sickly sweet smile.

Sarah's eyes suddenly widened, and she leant towards Lupin and whispered something to him, which resulted in him laughing openly.

"I think you are right Miss Worsley." He replied approvingly. "But how to go about it is the question."

"Please call me Sarah! As for that I think it's a good idea to talk to Sarah T, she'll know what to do." She answered with a smile.

"In that case, call me Remus! Yes that seems sensible." He added, making an elegant bow of his head.

"Oh please, get a room!" Drawled Louise at them both.

"Yes we will get a room, over here, won't we Remus?" She said, winking at him.

"I wouldn't mind my dear Sarah," he said pretending to be bowled over with affection, taking her hand as they gave each other gooey expressions.

"There is no need for sarcasm!" Snape sneered.

"Who said we were being sarcastic?" Sarah schooling her features into one of complete seriousness.

* * *

"I am never going shopping with you again!" Snape cried indignantly as he seated himself in the waiting chairs of Madame Malkins, whilst the girls went to be fitted for their dress robes

"Now now Professor, we haven't been that bad." Defended Sarah from behind the fitting room curtains. "You are obviously just being male, and not being able to keep up with women and their shopping!"

"Just be patient my dear Professor," giggled Louise in the cubical next to Sarah, "waiting only heightens anticipation. Learn the joys of expectation my friend!"

"I am already aware of the joys of expectation Miss Wilkinson." Retorted Snape.

Snape sighed loudly and leant against the cool window of the shop, feeling that his limited morale was slipping slowly away from him. Lupin, who was relishing in the fact that there were now people who took no shit from Snape, leant towards him.

"You talk about myself and Miss Worsley having to get a room," he smirked, "but it seems you and Miss Wilkinson are – ahem – getting rather close."

"I despise the girl Lupin." Answered Snape, though not in a very convincing tone.

"Doesn't seem that way to me." He replied offhandedly, leaning back into his own chair facing the wall.

"So you are making assumptions based on what? Based on the fact that we have already started having shouting matches?" Snape snapped.

"Hit a nerve have I?" Replied Lupin in mock concern, whilst smiling broadly.

"Louise! Can you come in here a minute, my bras come undone and I can't reach the clasp." Sarah suddenly announced to a very quiet store.

"You had better come in here." Answered Louise. "My dress is a little more revealing than I first thought!"

Sarah sighed loudly, and flung back the curtains of the cubical. She walked casually to Louise's cubical, unaware that neither of the Professor's had blinked in the last few seconds.

After a couple of minutes in Louise's cubicle, during which Lupin was giving Snape the most irritatingly suggestions about opposites attracting, Sarah emerged from Louise's cubicle in a _very_ low cut dark violet ball gown.

"Do you think this is too low cut?" Sarah asked Lupin innocently.

"No." Replied Lupin vaguely, swallowing hard. "Looks nice, yeah nice."

Sarah smiled and went back into Louise's cubical.

"Hmm, the phrase: Cauldron calling the kettle black comes to mind, Lupin." Snape smirked as Lupin tore his gaze away from where Sarah had just been standing.

"Louise darling come on, it is hardly _that_ low cut!" Sarah moaned at Louise, who was frantically trying to cover herself up with her coat. "I mean, mine is worse than yours and Remus said it was okay!"

"Yeah but he wants to shag you, so that is hardly a fair comment!" Louise retorted.

During this conversation, Snape was trying very hard not to burst out laughing at Louise's observation, instead he simply managed to keep it at a small twitch in the corners of his mouth, whilst Lupin was turning a violent shade of red and trying not to look at Snape's reaction.

"Look if you don't believe me, then ask Professor Snape what he thinks, I'm sure he wouldn't mind giving you a second opinion about _anything!" _Sniggered Sarah.

"Oh shut it you!" Louise grumbled, slapping Sarah sharply on the back of the head.

"Right, that's it!" Sarah said decisively.

She grabbed hold of Louise's arm tightly, and forced her out of the cubical headfirst. So she nearly ended up, like Sarah, on Professor Snape's lap (not sure she would have minded though).

"Now, please tell me that this is not as low cut as she seems to think." Sarah asked the two Professors, whilst keeping a good hold on Louise's left arm.

"Nah, you'll be fine Miss Wilkinson." Smiled Lupin. "I have seen worse down Knockturn Alley at midnight."

"Yeah I know the fronts ok, but have you seen the back!" Louise cried, then matching actions to words, turned round showing a dress with basically no back until the base of her spine.

"Still standing by my last comment about Knockturn Alley!" Lupin stated calmly.

"What do you think Professor?" Asked Sarah suggestively to Snape, who seemed to be in a world of his own.

"N-No, it's – erm – fine, Miss Wilkinson." He muttered under his breath.

Lupin and Sarah suddenly found it necessary to burst into fits of hysterical laughter in unison, whilst Louise and Snape just stared at the floor, both quite embarrassed.

"Ok that's it! What are you two up to? You're clearly doing something that affects both myself and Severus, I mean Professor Snape, and so what is it?" Louise ordered the two hysterical individuals.

"Nothing!" Defended Sarah and Lupin at the same time, making it even more unconvincing.

"Hang on Lupin, why are you here? You're supposed to be with Miss Lewis if I remember correctly, why are you with this group?" Snape enquired, knowing perfectly well what the reason was.(I.e. the girl in the violet dress! Oh god this sounds like a romance novel!)

"Maybe he just cannot bear to be parted from someone, is that true Remus?" Voiced Louise, thoughtfully rubbing her chin.

"Oh, we just got parted!" Insisted Lupin. "Now, whose up for some Ice Creams?" He added, trying to defer the topic.

* * *

Once everyone was settled into their seats on board the Hogwarts Express, Professor McGonagall addressed the group, which had now changed to the Sarah's, Snape, Flitwick and Lupin, who by the way was sitting next to Sarah!

"So, did you all have an eventful and interesting day?" McGonagall inquired.

"Hmm, you could say that." Replied Sarah, vacantly staring at Remus as he, not so casually, put his arm across the back of the chair.

* * *

**Author's note: **Well, this is about as saucy as it gets ... ahem!

TBC ...


	5. GRavy! And sleep, please God give me sle...

**Author's note: **Do not blame me for the randomness of the title, believe me when I say ... I am not that insane! 

**Disclaimer: **Once again I only own the plot and unknown characters ... damn!

**Chapter 5 – Gravy! And sleep, please give me sleep!**

_7.00pm that same evening in the great hall...._

"Will you leave my knee alone!" Sarah yelled at Reese as he casually reached for the peas as if nothing had happened.

"Ooh Miss Worsley, I have to, it does so make me shake like a leaf!" He retorted calmly in a stuttering northern accent.

Lupin gave Sarah and Reese a curious look before turning back to Louise, Sarah T and Helen, who had congregated at one end of the table in the great hall.

"So let me get this straight Louise, you _failed_ chemistry in your first year at college?" Said Lupin rather loudly, and putting the emphasis on _failed. _

"Mhm", was her muffled response through the steak and kidney pie that she had taken a liking to.

"WHAT!" Snape choked from halfway down the table, coughing as he was slapped heartily on the back by an overly enthusiastic Hagrid, who in the process, knocked him head first onto the table.

Swallowing, Louise added,

"Yeah, but I was very ill on the day of the exam. Anyway, Sarah, (she said, nodding to Sarah T beside her) isn't much better off!"

"She's right; Turner kills any plant she goes near!" Shaun added from the other side of Hagrid,

"Hey, it's a gift ok! I worked very hard for that skill, leave it alone!" Sarah T defended herself before poking Helen in the ribs to see her squirm.

"While we're on the subject, what do all of you enjoy doing in your spare time?" Dumbledore randomly asked, as McGonagall handed him a napkin to clean the mash and gravy from his beard.

"Do you want a list, or a Q and A game?" Claire asked, in the middle of a curious paper, rock and scissors game that she had coaxed Vicky into.

"No my dear Claire! Perhaps if each professor suggests something, then you can agree if you like it, sound fair? Oh Shaun, would you pass the tart please." He finished, the last statement causing a snigger from Reese, Sarah and Luisa.

Much desserts and pointless conversation later... 

"You mean to tell me that there are actually books _and_ films about us?" McGonagall queried, staring in disbelief at Sarah and Sian who had revealed that particular piece of information.

"Well yeah! They're still making them! They're up to what, starting the fifth film? Yeah they are, the fourth one came out about two months ago!" Sian replied.

"And bloody good it was too! Thank god they kept the original actors, and got rid of that Alfonso guy, what a load of rubbish he put into Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban!" Sarah added, echoed by about a dozen, 'hear, hears' around the table.

"All I can say is, thank god that the fifth director kept Alan in! I mean, what would the Potions master be without him?" Claire queried to the room at large.

"I know! I may not like him, but he's one hell of an actor, not to mention perfect for the job!" Luisa sombrely agreed, then added as an afterthought, "Even if he is like 60, he so doesn't look it!"

Snape stared in disbelief at Luisa, then glared in anger at Louise who decided to voice another piece of useless information about Alan Rickman, "hmm I agree, even if he is hung like a limp chip!"

Dawn went to nod in agreement, but ended up yawning, "On that note," Dumbledore stated, nodding to Dawn with a smile on his wrinkled face, "I believe it is high time you all retire for the evening, after all, your training and education begins tomorrow!"

At this statement, many of the Professors cast looks of commiseration at Claire and Louise, whilst Sarah chose the moment of silence that followed, to say something very stupid! (As she always does!)

"But we can't retire, we're only 18!" She looked around herself in confusion.

"Sarah, please be quiet!" Lupin whispered, gently placing his hand on hers, which was resting on the table, causing her to go an interesting shade of pink.

Later in the Gryffindors scarlet living room... 

"He he, he he!" Sarah kept repeating over and over.

"What is the matter with her?" Jerome asked in a tired voice.

"Dawn gave her two packets of Skittles and Louise promised to let her sit next to Snape tomorrow at breakfast!" Dan answered, trying to stop Sarah from bouncing up and down on the spot. It was making him dizzy just watching!

"Nothings the matter with me! Honest! Nothing, nothing at all, everything's fine, fine fine fine! Are you ok? Cos I'm ok, it's great! Everything's just great, he he, he he." Sarah blurted out in one breath.

"Do you want me to get Louise? She seems to be the only one to calm her down." Dawn asked from the kitchen as Sarah finished her high-speed verbal diatribe and continued to bounce on the spot.

"I really don't think she'll appreciate that!" Jerome added, "But I _do_ want some sleep tonight!" Dawn and Dan looked at each other, they both wanted Sarah to shut up and calm down but neither wanted to wake Louise up if she was asleep, she was cranky enough with a full nights sleep.

"Ok, ok, I'll go! She'll be less likely to bite my head off anyway." With that Jerome went to the fireplace and, throwing the powder in, yelled "Slytherin Living room!"

As it happened, the poor tired Gryffindors needn't have worried, as all four Slytherins were sitting in their living room with Professor Snape, arguing over whether Alan Rickman is actually _that _small, of whether it was just cold that particular day. He also did not appreciate that fact that Reece was constantly saying that he was sure that Alan Rickman was gay.

Needless to say, Louise wanted an escape!

"Jerome? What's the matter? I haven't seen you this tired since Turner tried to teach you to dance!"

Shuddering at the unwanted memory, Jerome got out of the fireplace, dusted off the soot, rubbed his head, (being tall, he hit his head on the mantle) and began to explain about Sarah.

"Of course I'll shut her up!" Louise insisted, before walking into the waiting green flames.

About 30 minutes later... 

"So, what did you do? Drug her or the old fail safe of knocking her out?" Claire asked, as Snape caught Louise before she fell out of the fireplace and onto the floor face first. After sitting down beside their head of house Louise explained,

"I managed to persuade her that it was a good idea to hyperventilate then to hold her breath, she passed clean out, then we moved her to her bed." She said, pushing her hair out of her mouth.

"Will she be calmer tomorrow Miss Wilkinson?" Snape enquired, considering this, she replied, "Yes I would think so, I bloody well hope so after that display!"

"Speaking of tomorrow, breakfast in the great hall is between 6.00 to 8.30am, I will expect all of you to be there at a reasonable hour!" Snape warned, glaring at each of them.

"Um, Professor, I think it's probably a good idea for the both of us to get to breakfast early tomorrow morning." Louise added,

"Why?" Helen asked her long time friend, "Well, Sarah thinks that she's sitting next to him!" Louise answered, nodding to the Professor, who grimaced at the unwelcome notion.

Meanwhile, not far away... 

"Yay! Can I have some?" Sian asked, sliding down the stone rail of the staircase from her rooms.

"Yeah, enough cake, girly films and chocolate for all! I came prepared!" Sarah T announced, handing out said things to Sian, Shaun and Professor Sprout, who were sitting on chairs, cushions and beanbags.

"So which of these films are the best for a girl's night in?" Sprout answered giggling, being quite overexcited by the idea.

"Well, I'd go with Miss Congeniality, then Legally Blonde and then finish it off with the best there is, both Bridgett Jones films back to back!" Shaun cried, before stuffing his face with marshmallows.

"Sounds good to me! Hang on, let me get the..." Unfortunately Sarah T didn't manage to finish the sentence, having been knocked unconscious by Sarah, who had just run through their fireplace, straight into her. Jerome and Dan came in straight behind her looking ready to kill, Dan turned to Jerome,

"Please! I'm begging you, go and get her again, I don't care how mad she gets, I need sleep!" Dan begged, looking over at Sarah in despair as she launched herself at the marshmallows, she had apparently woken up not long after Louise had left.

Without turning, Jerome yelled over his shoulder, into the fireplace, "LOUISE!!!"

There was loud crash and they all turned to find Louise lying eagled-spread on the floor, coughing and spluttering trying in vain to get half a centuries soot from her mouth.

With a scowl fixed to her face, Louise asked the most obvious question in the universe,

"She's awake isn't she?" Louise asked in annoyance at being disturbed from an interesting game of decorating Reese's room before Reese could catch them.

The others were spared from answering as at that moment in time Sarah began doing random cartwheels around the living room.

"Wow! I never used to be able to do these before, its great isn't it? Yeah, weeeeeee!" Yelled Sarah at the top of her voice, and at such a fast pace that the others had difficulty understanding her.

Sarah T had recovered consciousness by this time and, in an angry fashion, went upstairs to her room muttering something about 'hyperactive blondes' and 'wait until I get my hands on Dawn! Leaving the rest of the group to deal with Sarah, who was by this time trying to back flip off of the couch.

Just as Louise began to roll her sleeves up, and the guys were getting ready to pounce a loud crash of a door opening could be heard coming from Sarah T's room, before Jenny and Vicky came running down the stairs sporting identical looks of mischief and brandishing their wands.

"Come back here you two! Just wait, I'll make sure you both get it for this!" Sarah T screamed, running down the stairs after them, dressed in her dressing gown and covered from head to foot in what looked suspiciously like partially dissolved red jelly. If you added this fact to the two facts that, firstly her dressing gown was pinkie red, and secondly that her face was red with anger, she looked very much like an overcooked tomato!

"What have they done?" Sprout queried from a floor cushion where she had stayed to watch the unfolding hilarity.

"They did something to my bath taps! It started squirting red jelly at me instead of water! Hot jelly I might add." Sarah T explained, hands on hips, glaring.

Sarah had by this time got off of the couch and was now standing next to Jerome, with Jenny and Vicky hiding behind her. After being in apparent concentration for the last few minutes, she looked up in a serious manner.

"What flavour jelly?" She enquired, apparently genuinely interested in the answer.

"What bloody difference does it make?" Sarah T asked in exasperation, sinking down into an overstuffed pink armchair.

"Well, I like Strawberry!" Sarah answered sincerely, nodding to herself in agreement.

"Who cares, can we just go to sleep? Please, I really need sleep!" Dan cried, head in hands.

"But I really like jelly!" Sarah replied before being jumped on by Louise, Jerome, Dan and Jenny and Vicky who thought it fun to join in!

**Author's note: **I hope you liked this chapter 'cos Louise put her heart and soul into it and if you do not like it she will kill you with a rusty spoon!

Read and review!


	6. Kids! Little angels not!

**Author's Note: **I have to say, even thought it is my story - this is one of the funniest chapters that myself and Lou have written!

**Disclaimer: **Normal legal mumbo jumbo .... etc!

Read and Review!

* * *

**Chapter 6: Ahh, kids – little angels … NOT!**

"Argh! This mashed potato is well lumpy!" Moaned Sarah the next morning at breakfast, poking her food with her spoon, and pulling a face.

"Sarah, that's scrambled egg!" Sighed Louise, rolling her eyes and returning to her coffee and bagel.

"Oh yeah, he he!" Giggled Sarah frantically stuffing her face.

Sarah could, for once be excused for not paying attention to her surroundings, as she, like everyone else had not had any sleep the night before. Hyped up on Skittles, and God knows what else containing E-numbers, she had run around the entire castle twice, before collapsing in a heap outside the dungeons. Returned to her common room by Louise, who rolled her the whole way using her foot.

After this pointless interlude, the owl post arrived, causing Sarah to scream when her own owl landed on her head with a parcel from her parents.

"Arhhh!" she screamed, "It's on me, get it off, get it off!" She yelled.

"Sarah, it's _your_ owl!" Jerome calmly stated, reaching for the marmalade.

"I knew that." Shrugged Sarah calmly, taking the note off her Owl. "Who's a good Gertrude?" She added, cooing to the tawny owl softly.

"You called her Gertrude?" Louise asked in amusement, trying not to snigger as Shaun didn't realise that he had porridge on his nose.

"Yes, it's a lovely name!" Sarah cried with conviction, whilst playing the mother to Shaun.

"Sarah get off, get orff!" He wriggled away from her as she tried to wipe said porridge from his nose.

A while later when everyone was full from eating half of everything on the table, Professor Dumbledore proceeded to give the group instructions on their timetable for the day.

"Now," stated Professor Dumbledore, his eyes glinting across the table to Sarah T who was trying to balance a spoon on her nose. "I hope that you have all made yourselves at home these past couple of days" – looking across the table at Professor Snape as he inched away from Sarah who was giving him a far too fond look, whilst twirling her curly hair round her fingers – "so today you shall be spending the day with your Professor's. They will be training you with everything there is to know about your area."

"My special area!" Giggled Sarah T, before being slapped sharply round the head by Shaun who liked the violence.

"As I was saying." Chuckled Dumbledore, withdrawing his gaze from the bickering couple. "Your training will last all day, and I am hoping that you will feel more comfortable when the students arrive tonight."

"Oh, but I hate kids!" Moaned Sarah, wrestling a bit of toast from the rack. "They're horrible and smelly!"

"Miss Worsley, I am sure that your vocabulary widens beyond 'they are smelly'." Snape sighed, watching Sarah spread five inches of jam onto her toast. "I am told you studied English at a high level, surely there are better words you can use that that!"

"You'd think so wouldn't you?" Replied Sarah vaguely, stuffing the whole piece of toast in her mouth at once.

"So," said Dumbledore in a raised voice, ending that particular random conversation. "No time like the present! If you would like to return to your common rooms and collect anything you may require – books, equipment etcetera."

"A brain perhaps." Muttered Snape under his breath, directing his insult at Sarah who was humming 'What a wonderful world' and staring vacantly out of the windows.

All fifteen witches and wizards rose from their seats, and proceeded to their common rooms.

* * *

_A few minutes later in the Slytherin common room …_

"What the hell do you bring to help a ghost?" Reece asked, frantically searching for 'History of Magic' by Bathilda Bagshot, which he had 'misplaced' the night before.

"Reece!" Came an angry cry from the workroom. "Why is your History of Magic book at the bottom of my spare cauldron?" Louise yelled, walking up the stairs from said room to join Reece and Helen in the common room.

"I thought I'd left it there!" He exclaimed, snatching the book from Louise's grasp and shoving it into his bag.

Louise raised an eyebrow, not wanting to ask why Reece had left the most boring book in existence in her spare cauldron. She was spared from making a comment on this by the sudden appearance of Professor Snape, who was looking distinctly ruffled.

"Miss Wilkinson, may I ask you a question?" Snape enquired when he reached Louise, who had sat herself down at the far end of the common room.

"You may." Answered Louise, folding her arms and giving Snape a quizzical look.

"Is it normal for Miss Worsley and Miss Hagele to start speaking in a stuttering northern accent, and rubbing each others thigh?" He asked, shuddering at the thought.

"Oh yeah!" Replied Louise waving an impatient hand at a rather worried looking Snape, getting to her feet and swinging her bag over her shoulder. "We call them Graham moments. Shall we?" Louise added, motioning to the common room door.

"Hmmm, I think it is safer for my sanity." He said, with yet another shudder.

Snape followed Louise out of the room, narrowly missing Vicky who ran past them at full pelt. Seconds later, Jenny nearly collided with Louise in an attempt to reach her quarry.

"HEY!" Yelled Jenny at the top of her voice, whilst Vicky laughed loudly. "WHERE HAVE YOU PUT IT, EH?"

Louise rolled her eyes and ushered her Professor out of the door, whilst Jenny reached Vicky and gave her one hell of a wedgy.

* * *

_Around the same time in Professor Flitwick's charms room …_

"Now," squeaked Professor Flitwick loudly, trying to draw Sarah's attention away from a bird on the windowsill. "One of the first skills I shall teach you is the art of levitation. It is a very simply charm; Wingardium leviosa."

"Oh I remember this now!" Squealed Sarah with delight, pointing her wand at the feather that professor Flitwick had provided. "Wingardium leviosa!" She muttered to her wand, and when nothing happened proceeded to shake her wand vigorously.

"Now now Miss Worsley!" Piped up Flitwick, a warning tone present in his voice. "You will not always succeed the first time; I suggest that you have another go."

"Okay!" Said Sarah determinedly, rolling up her sleeves and taking a deep breath. "Wingardium leviosa!"

* * *

_Seconds later in Professor Snape's workroom …_

"Miss Wilkinson!" Yelled Snape, snatching the scalpel from Louise's fingers. "You're supposed to use gloves when dissecting Snake heart!"

"Oh, am I?" Replied Louise innocently, reaching for the unused gloves on the desk beside her. "Sorry Professor!"

Snape raised his eyebrows at his assistant, and was just about to point out which hole Louise should penetrate. When there was an enormous explosion, followed by the sounds of smashed glass falling down to the ground. A young woman's screams could be heard three floors above, so Louise and Snape dashed to the small window at the corner of the room.

"What the-" Started Snape, but stopped in mid sentence by the sudden appearance of Sarah who had been blasted through the window.

Her screams pierced both Louise and Snape's ears, and they were forced to cover them with their hands.

"_Wingardium leviosa!" _They heard a very high-pitched voice shout from the window three floors above.

Instantly Sarah stopped falling and floated gently in mid air. Louise and Snape moved closer to the window, both with their mouths open.

"Oh hi there!" Greeted Sarah cheerily, waving at the pair. "Just hanging around, you know."

"How?" Louise questioned in disbelief.

"Well, lets just say that my wand doesn't like me very much." Mused Sarah, scratching her head.

Sarah diverted her gaze (as she did often these days) downwards and began to smile mischievously.

"Hey Lou," she said smiling broadly. "You didn't waste much time did you?"

"What are you talking about?" Louise asked in impatience.

"You've already got his flies undone, nice one!" Said Sarah, giving Louise and Snape the thumbs up.

Snape's hand flew down to his trouser zip, his face matching that of Louise's red nails.

* * *

_About an hour later in Professor Lupin's classroom … _

"Right, now that we have gone through major curses I think it is time that you learnt how to defend yourself against them." Said Lupin, taking his own wand from the pocket of his robes.

"Are any of the curses going to involve permanent damage to me?" Dawn enquired nervously, clutching her own wand tightly.

"Well nothing that isn't – ah, fixable." Replied Lupin none to reassuringly.

Dawn made a noise suggesting that she would rather be anywhere else in the world but standing in front of Lupin, about to be cursed. Dawn gulped loudly as Lupin raised his wand.

"The charm must be said at the exact time I say my curse." Informed Lupin, making sure that Dawn was in the firing line. "The shield charm is: _Protego_!"

"_Protego._" Dawn repeated under her breath.

"On the count of three," said Lupin, "one, two, three ………"

* * *

_Lunchtime in the staff room …_

"So," said Professor Dumbledore to the group of exhausted students who had all flopped down onto chairs, except Sarah, who had tried to flop down onto Snape's lap. "Did we all have a good morning?"

There was a chorus of moaning and grumbling, which of course informed Dumbledore that they would rather have been tortured all morning. He sighed, and examined the group through his half-moon spectacles. His eyes wandered around the room and found that many of the students were sporting various styles of 'battle scars'. Dawn, who had failed to block Professor Lupin's charm had ended up with no hair (not just from her head). Reece was trying to stab himself yet again in the head with a blunt pencil (well, spending five hours with a boring, monotone ghost is enough to drive anyone to suicide), whilst Sarah T was covered from head to toe with mud and random foliage. Sarah however, seemed relatively unscathed, although she was floating slightly (which, of course, she did not realise).

"My head hurts!" Sarah complained, looking slightly worried when she found small bits of glass in her hair.

"Not surprised." Muttered Louise, not looking up from her book; 'Different ways to prepare potions'.

"Well you can't say it wasn't an exciting morning." Voiced Jerome, sporting an interesting pelican beak.

"Hehe, you look funny!" Giggled Shaun in the most camp way imaginable.

* * *

_Just before dinner …_

"Oh for the love of God!" Complained Dan, who was looking at his watch every five seconds in impatience.

"Why is it that us blokes can be ready in two minuets flat," agreed Shaun clucking in disapproval, "and they take two bloody hours!"

It was three minutes before the arrival of the students, and Dan, Shaun and Reece were standing in the Entrance Hall and had been waiting for what seemed like their entire lives for the girls to finish putting their Polyfila (make-up to you and me) on.

Sarah chose this point to appear at the end of a set of stairs leading from the next floor up, arm in arm with Professor Lupin. It appeared that she had taken a nasty tumble down one of the trick steps, even though Lupin had warned her seconds before.

"What have you two been doing, I wonder!" Shaun smirked, winking suggestively as both Sarah and Lupin went bright red.

"I fell!" Insisted Sarah, whilst Reece muttered after her, "For Lupin".

"Finally!" Exclaimed Shaun, throwing his arms up in the air as the rest of the rabble descended the stairs (or in Louise's case, ascended).

"Is everyone getting laid except me?!" Complained Sarah T loudly as Louise and Snape reached the group, at the same time as Sarah and Lupin.

"I assure you that nothing of the sort is going on." Hissed Snape viciously, causing Sarah T to stand back to avoid being spat at.

"Sure there isn't, don't worry Professor, we understand!" Replied Sarah, edging closer to him.

"I've asked you before, please remove her!" Snape glared at Louise, who was hiding her giggles behind her hand.

"I'm sure you'd never say _that_ to anyone about Miss Wilkinson would you Severus?" Lupin teased, giving Snape a suggestive smile.

Snape was about to retaliate when the doors to the Great Hall flung themselves open, and they were half blinded by the dazzling light of the Great Hall. Thousands upon thousands of candles floated above the four house tables, shimmering as the sun went down to reveal a velvet blue sky. The teachers and their assistants took their seats at the staff table, which seemed much more crowded and cramped than usual. Sarah took a great deal of time in finding her seat, brushing past Professor Snape at least three times in succession.

"Miss Worsley will you kindly take your seat!" Hissed Snape after five minutes of confused brushing and fiddling.

"Aww, things were just getting interesting – ouch!" Louise had leant over from Snape's other side and slapped Sarah sharply on the wrist.

Minutes later the doors to the Great Hall flung open, and year's two to seven pilled in and took their seats at the appropriate house tables. There was much submissive muttering amongst the students as to the identities of the new arrivals at the staff table. Especially at Professor Snape and a short, curly haired blonde woman who seemed to be saying something very suggestive in his ear, making Snape recoil in disgust. Then, a tall, dark haired woman with a bored look on her face leant over and pinched her ear, resulting in a high pitched scream to resound throughout the Great Hall.

"GET OFF YOU NAZI!" She shouted for all the students to hear.

"Miss Worsley, would you kindly keep your voice down!" Whispered Snape through his teeth. "And, Miss Wilkinson unhand Miss Worsley and please remain silent!"

"Bet you wouldn't mind him handling you Louise, eh, eh?!" Sarah winked and nudged Louise in the stomach, who proceeded to glare evilly at Sarah making her retreat in fear.

As Professor McGonagall carried the three legged stool and the frayed Sorting Hat out of the hall, the silence of the Sorting was replaced by an influx of noise. Mainly from the staff table, where Claire was getting slowly drunk on the Firewhisky she had smuggled from her common room.

"I like big butts and I cannot lie …_Snape_!_" _Claire tried to whisper this name unsuccessfully under her breath, but in fact it came out louder than she had intended.

Snape merely scowled down the table, as Professor Dumbledore stood up and the Great Hall went silent.

"Welcome," he addressed his students. "Welcome to another year at Hogwarts, I trust that you all had a pleasant summer and are ready to continue your studies" – there was much sniggering from the students, and it seemed they disagreed with this statement – "As you may well have noticed, we have some new people joining us this term. They are going to act as the Professor's assistants and I would like them to be welcome with open arms to our school community."

There was a lukewarm round of applause for the assistants, who waved eagerly back at the students.

"Now, they are going to introduce themselves to you all and I hope that you pay attention." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as Claire hiccupped loudly.

Shaun stood up from the far left of the table and waved in an extremely camp fashion to the Great Hall.

"Hi I'm Shaun!" He said with a slight lisp. "Oh and it's _fabulous _to be here, and I must say that the talent aint that bad either!" He added, indicating to a long haired seventh year sitting at the Hufflepuff table. As Shaun sat down to the student's bewildered applause, he winked at Professor Dumbledore, who shook his head and motioned for Claire to stand up (if she could).

"Rarg! I be Claire, also known as the Pant Pirate of the Severus seas!" She slurred with a farmers accent, and then flopped back onto her chair, giggling like a person who had escaped from a 'secure centre for the mentally challenged'. Snape held his head in one shaking hand – could it get any worse. The answer is yes, it could.

"Hello!" Sarah leapt out of her chair, a little too enthusiastically. "I am also a Pants Pirate, but I don't wear underwear so it's not too bad –" Claire shouted "Ohhh, but pants are good, you can rip them off… hmmmm, kinky!" She and Sarah burst into a fit of giggles and had to be calmed down by Madame Pomfrey.

"Next person please!" Begged Dumbledore in a rather raised voice, but was still grinning.

"Can I sing?" Sarah T asked Professor Dumbledore as she stood up to introduce herself.

"If you must." Sighed Dumbledore, the corners of his mouth twitching.

"_Shine your windows with rhubarb it's only a tupence a tin," _Sarah began singing, ever so slightly out of tune. "_You can buy it in Woolworths or Tesco's but I doubt that they'll have any in! They say that my parrot he died of, they say that he died of a fit, but I know my parrot died, he died in a pile of …_"

"I think that's enough from you Miss Turner." Said Dumbledore, loudly enough to cover Sarah T's last word.

"Aww!" Complained Sarah T, as she sank slowly back into her seat.

"Right then, Mr Cook, would you like to introduce yourself?" Dumbledore asked, after a vigorous shake of the head from said assistant, indicating that he'd rather be on the receiving end of a female temper tantrum without chocolate.

"In that case, Miss Wilkinson, if you wouldn't mind?" Dumbledore chuckled.

As Louise stood up, sniggering among the upper years started at the Slytherin table. Glaring at the offending party and before Snape could stop her; Louise raised her wand and calmly cast a red coloured spell at him. This in turn resulted in the student's mole on their cheek growing large enough to have to push around in the wheelbarrow, before returning her wand to her belt.

"Now that you're listening, my name is Louise Wilkinson, I expect you to shut up when I speak or else!" She finished before sitting down beside Snape who looked about ready to burst in anger.

"Right, ok then, Miss Pamment you look as if you have something to add?" Dumbledore asked.

"Not so much add as do!" Vicky stated, standing up, she lifted the large bowl of what appeared to be custard and proceeded to empty it onto Jenny's head and lap, resulting in a rather nasty looking green fungus to form on her skin. Vicky then turned to Professor Lupin and grinned, whispering.

"I owe you one sir!" She smirked.

"You know I love pranks, but the other side may employ my services as well, I am open for business between 9am to 5pm seven days a week Miss Hodgetts." Lupin commented as he coolly reached for the wine.

Without hesitation, and apparently not waiting till office hours, Jenny charmed her broom twig clippers, causing them to fly into the air and firmly attach themselves to the bridge of Vicky's nose. Screaming, she ran from the hall, tripping up on her robe on the way, causing hysterical laughter around the whole hall, before she scrambled to her feet and ran, quickly followed by Madame Pomfrey, who glared daggers at Jenny before exiting the hall.

"I think that that is more than enough introductions for one evening, enjoy your meal in peace and quiet!" This last part was added by Dumbledore in a stern tone, over his half moon spectacles at the assistants sat on Professor Snape's end of the table.

* * *

**Author's note: **Phew, well we got there at last! I know this was an _exceptionally _long chapter, but we had quite a few ideas! Hope you enjoy! 

Read and Review!


	7. Chaos!

**Author's note: **I would just like to point out that this story does actually have a storyline, and isn't just pure randomness! In this chapter we begin to learn the reason for our intrepid witches and wizard's reason for being brought into the wizarding world.

**Disclaimer: **Normal legal stuff … I own nothing except the plotline and unfamiliar characters

* * *

**Chapter 7 – Chaos!**

_7.00am the next morning in the Ravenclaw living room…_

"Whoever the hell invented mornings is going to die, when I get my hands on them!" Jenny fumed, trying to pull, what she thought was a sock onto her foot, whilst hopping into the room from the kitchen.

"A, no-one invented mornings. B, that is a glove you are trying to put on your foot and C, why is your hair green and red?" Luisa asked in a bored, monotone voice.

"I am going to kill Vicky!" Jenny screamed as she looked into the mirror, and then made her way slowly and silently up the staircase which led to Vicky's room, wand in hand.

"Oh dear!" Amelia muttered under her breath, searching for her books.

* * *

_Around the same time in the Hufflepuff dormitories …_

"Oh my God!" Shaun exclaimed loudly, flapping his hands around in distress and running into Sarah T's room who gave a discontented grunt at the early intrusion. "Where is my hair gel!"

"Shut up Shaun!" Moaned Sarah T, turning over in her bed and clamping her pillow to her ears.

"But I can't leave this tower looking ugly!" Shaun cried rushing to the nearest mirror, trying in vain to flatten his hair.

"Doesn't normally bother you." Sarah T croaked from under the covers.

With a wave of his wand Sarah T rolled off her bed, and carried on rolling down the spiral staircase into to living room. Landing on her back in a very compromising position, just as Professors McGonagall, Dumbledore and Snape came through the door.

"What the devil is going on here!" Snape cried in disbelief as Sarah T tried to get to her feet.

"I fell on my bottom!" Sarah T moaned in a baby voice.

Snape raised an eyebrow whilst McGonagall and Dumbledore brought their hand to their mouths to try and conceal sniggers. Shaun came running down the stairs and upon seeing Professor's Dumbledore, McGonagall and Snape looking at Sarah T, whose face was contracted in pain, began to stare sheepishly at the stone floor. Dumbledore withdrew his gaze from Sarah T, now being helped up by Professor McGonagall and proceeded to give Shaun a piercing and extremely stern stare.

"We have very strict rules at Hogwarts about using magic against our fellows." He said, looking at Shaun over his half moon spectacles. "The students find it hard enough to follow this rule, without adult example."

"Sorry Sir Headmaster, Sir." Shaun mumbled, staring out of the large window to his left.

"I suggest that you all get yourselves dressed." Barked Snape, making them all jump as they hadn't realised he was still there. "Lessons start at nine and your Professor's will not take kindly to lateness."

With that, he swept from the room; black robes billowing out behind him. Seconds later, Vicky and Jenny appeared at the foot of the stairs. Jenny was trying hard to conceal sniggers at Vicky's newly grown elephant's trunk. Professor McGonagall however, was none too impressed.

"Honestly, will you two _ever_ grow up?" McGonagall asked in an exasperated tone, scowling at Jenny and the half girl, half elephant.

"No can do I'm afraid Mrs Professor." Jenny blurted out through fits of giggles, as Vicky used her new trunk to scratch her back.

"Remind you of anyone?" Dumbledore whispered to McGonagall who nodded and shivered at the same time, any memory of the Weasley twins made her feel exhausted.

"Come on now, get dressed. All of you!" She ordered, and then exited the common rooms, shaking her head in disbelief.

Dumbledore merely smiled at the group and then followed Professor McGonagall out of the Asylum.

* * *

_At breakfast in the Great Hall … _

"They've only been here five minutes and I'm sick of them already!" Sarah complained, pilling toast onto her plate and then reaching for the jam. "God I hate kids."

"Sarah, if you carry on like this all day, I am afraid I shall not be responsible for my actions." Drawled Louise impatiently, clutching her fork, imagining it in Sarah's head, as she stabbed her egg.

Sarah scowled and busied herself with breakfast, ignoring the many mutterings and pointings from the students (especially at Vicky, it seemed her trunk would be with her for the next 24 hours). It always occurred to Louise that if Sarah did not in fact like kids, then why would she want to train as a teacher? Louise suspected it was because she wanted to punish them for existing.

"I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all good luck for your first day with the students." Announced Dumbledore at the far end of the table, Sarah rolled her eyes at this statement. "I will also ask you not to let the children take advantage of you" – 'No chance of that' Louise muttered under her breath, chancing a fleeting glance at Snape who was prodding his bacon – "you must be firm, but fair. I would also like you to remember that you do not have the authority to deduct points. Inform the appropriate head of house and they shall deal with it."

"You've taken away the one thing I was looking forward to!" Sarah complained loudly, and this time the group agreed with her.

"I am sorry Miss Worsley, but rules are rules?" Dumbledore added firmly, finishing that particular debate.

"Rules smell." Whinged Sarah, whilst Snape rolled his eyes and tried to block her out.

As the capacity of the Great Hall began to dwindle, the assistants looked increasingly nervous at the ever drawing prospect of having to stand in front of a class.

* * *

"NO, no, Noooooooooo!" Screamed Sarah, as she was literally dragged kicking and screaming into the Charms classroom by Louise and Jenny, clinging onto the doorframe for support and making finger nail trenches in the process.

"Oh do come along Sarah, they're not that bad you know, quite well behaved young adults in fact, well the Gryffindors are anyway!" Flitwick chattered happily, as he tried, apparently unsuccessfully to reassure Sarah.

After Sarah and Flitwick eventually got into the classroom, Sarah was confronted with another obstacle, and a rather unpleasant one at that.

"I don't care! Listen Finnius, I will teach the stinky kids, I will tidy things up and I will grade papers that both you and I already know will be wrong, I will do all of this if I can change that!" Sarah finished as she pointing at the crushed velvet teachers robe in a rather shocking shade of cerise.

"Why what's wrong with..." Finnius stopped mid sentence as he actually looked at the robe, then proceeded to burst out laughing.

"Don't worry Sarah, it's not yours its Miss Bright's I helped Sian change the colour of it yesterday, I forgot, yours is in my office!"

Sighing with relief at not having to wear a pink robe, Sarah skipped, (yes that is correct) into Flitwick's office, while the class began to file in and take their seats, casting worried looks at the apparently deranged assistant and the laughing professor, and wondering if this strange behaviour was catching.

* * *

Reece however, was having a less eventful start to lessons. Reece himself knew the nature of a lesson with Professor Binns – come in, fall asleep, write a couple of sentences and go back to sleep again. The only problem was that nobody, not even someone who had great experience of boring teachers (one in particular bored his class so much, that Sarah had actually fallen asleep in one lesson and had to be woken up by Shaun); nothing could prepare anybody for Professor Binns. His misty, air-like monotone voice did not help the fact that History of Magic in itself was the most boring subject on the planet. Coupled with the sleepy atmosphere and a Graham Jowitt (said teacher as mentioned before) wannabe, it was almost impossible for even Reece to stay awake.

"This will be your desk, this will be your ink well and this will be…." Poor Reece had actually passed out from boredom five minutes previous to this rather riveting monotone speech to the first years, with half the students already following Reece's example and passing out into a stupor.

"Now I trust that you have all read the 300 page History of…" Binn's droning voice was rather quickly interrupted by a loud and very wet snore from Reece's direction.

After somehow managing to stop the general sniggering around the room, Binn's went back to doing what he did best, boring the living daylights out of those poor, defenceless students.

* * *

"Mr Ledbetter, oh you poor poor boy!" Whispered Trelawney, in her faint, mystical voice. "I can foresee a terrible misfortune in your immediate future, I am afraid that the shape in your tea cup is that of..." Trelawney began.

"The grim, it's rather clear now." Claire finished, staring wide eyed at the cup, her dramatic voice firmly in place, dripping with sarcasm. Trelawney however, didn't seem to notice.

"Why yes my dear, as I said to Professor Snape when you first arrived, you have the sight, a natural like I for using the inner eye." Trelawney smiled in a vague fashion and began to touch Claire's arm, as if to make sure she was real.

Edging away as fast as possible, Claire moved to the other side of the room by the door, making the excuse that she had forgotten something in her rooms. There was something about a creepy, middle aged woman with a mid life crisis, touching her arm that made Claire want to vomit. It didn't help that Professor Trelawney had used so many scented candles in that classroom that she was in danger of passing out. Without any idea of where she was going, Claire turned countless corners, flew past dozens of doors until …

"Argh!" Claire and another voice exclaimed, as she collided with a heavy object whilst flying round a corner.

"Are you alright my dear, what on earths wrong?" Sprout asked in concern, helping Claire to her feet and leading her round the corner with Sarah T in tow.

"Trelawney, she's soo creepy, she keeps holding onto my arm, she makes my skin crawl, I am not, and I can't go back up there!" Claire announced, shaking her head for emphasis.

"I'm afraid you'll just have to get used to her, but in the meantime how about joining Sarah and I for tea and cake? We haven't got our first lesson till just after lunch, so you're welcome to stay here if you'd like." Sprout offered, handing Claire a teacup.

"I'd prefer something stronger if you have it!" Claire asked weakly, sinking into the nearest chair.

"I'll see what I can find." Sprout said, flashing Claire a mischievous smile, before reaching into the nearest cupboard.

* * *

"Your relative only just graduated after putting me through seven years of trying to teach that incompetent imbecile how to brew a potion, and now I find that I will have to suffer another of his family! Not only that, but another one who cannot even brew the simplest reducing potion!" Snape bellowed causing the few intact bottles that remained in the room to rattle.

The unfortunate receiver of this tirade of abuse was Stanley Longbottom, a second cousin to Neville Longbottom and was the unlucky first student of the year to blow up the entire set of cauldrons on his bench. Apparently, he was more like Neville than Snape cared to remember. Stanley was now crying as Snape continued to yell and roar at the youngster, whilst other first year students backed away, cowering from the dark, sinister man.

Louise meanwhile was quietly using banishing spells and regenerating spells on the ruined potions and shattered glass that littered the room, before asking the other students to continue working, and for those whose potions were destroyed, to team up with someone whose cauldron was still intact. She smirked as she worked, thinking of the expression on Snape's face when he learned of her interference. She had found quite early on that Snape liked to play the hard man (yes that was intentional), a man who liked to seem the big guy (again, that was intentional) and to have that taken away from him, especially by a woman was not acceptable.

It took another two minutes for Snape to realise that the classroom was back to normal and that the students were working again, looking over at Louise he glared, she had after all interrupted his moment of inducing fear into the hearts of the first years.

Much to his annoyance she merely smiled at him then continued to read through standard book of spells grade 3, chuckling softly to herself as Snape grumbled and settled himself at his desk.

* * *

"Miss O'Brien I assure you that there is nothing mentally wrong with Sybil!" Dumbledore reassured Claire, as she frantically tried to convince him that she needed to swap Professors.

"I would not be too sure, Albus." McGonagall muttered under her breath, whilst Dumbledore merely rolled his eyes.

"Oh please Headmaster Sir, I _really _don't wanna go back in that classroom again!" She moaned, stamping her foot and crossing her arms.

"I am sorry Miss, but my word is final and besides we put you with the Professor that matched your abilities!" Dumbledore said, and his tone was so final that Claire ceased to argue and fell silent.

"I don't mind switching." Reece muttered then letting out an extremely wide yawn, clearly the mornings teaching had not warn off yet.

Dumbledore shook his head and watched as the rest of the group filled into the Great Hall for lunch, many of them flinching at the sight of more kids (especially Sarah, who seemed to have had a particularly bad morning). He watched Luisa and Amelia sit themselves at the far end of the table and became immediately immersed in a whispered conversation. Though he could not hear the full discussion, he caught bits of sentences, but that was enough to worry him.

" … So, what book did you say it was from?" Luisa whispered, looking cautiously at Dumbledore to make sure he couldn't hear.

"Ancient Prophecies and their Meanings." Replied Amelia in the same tone and showing Luisa said book under the table. "I was arranging a section in the library for Pince and I came across this, and of course I was intrigued. I flicked through the pages and there it was!"

"Hmm, I remember Dumbledore saying that we are a part of some prophecy." Mused Luisa, leaning closer to Amelia to look at the book. "What does the prophecy say exactly?"

"Well, from my readings I can gather that thousands of years ago a prophecy was made that tells of fifteen witches and wizards would be born all in the space of a year, with different skills." She recalled from the book, whilst Luisa stared at her, extremely pale. "These fifteen alone would defend the stronghold from the uprising – whatever that means."

"I think the stronghold must mean Hogwarts." Luisa guessed, taking the book and finding the appropriate page. "If my calculations are correct, then this prophecy was made just before the last founder of Hogwarts died." She added, tracing the lines of writing with her finger.

"You think so?" Said Amelia, her own eyes widening with fresh revelations.

Luisa opened her mouth to answer, but was prevented from doing so by Dumbledore calling at them down the table.

"I am of course impressed that you are taking an interest in your studies, but we all must find time to eat." He said smiling weakly and noticing the book concealed under the table. "You will need your strength for this afternoon."

Both Luisa and Amelia replied Dumbledore with a very fixed smile. Amelia put the book back into her back, and began reaching for some salad. Luisa however did not eat; she stared thoughtfully at the bewitched ceiling. Her eyebrows furrowed, and she was in deep concentration. Whatever this prophecy meant, she would find out. If a great wizard like Dumbledore was keeping this from them, then it couldn't be good news.

* * *

**Author's note: **Ooooh cliff-hanger!

Read and Review!

Oh and by the way, the story about Sarah (AKA myself) falling asleep in a lesson is actually true. Our teacher was an even worse Professor Binns (shudders)!


	8. Discoveries and Drinking

**Author's note: **I would like to take this opportunity to thank two very special people who helped with this chapter:

**Dawn (AKA blondebouncingferret)** – for her sauciness regarding Louise and Snape.

**Claire** – who came up with the 'morning after' scenario!

**Disclaimer: **Find out in this chapter why we rated it an R!

* * *

Chapter 8: Discoveries and Drinking

Whilst the other assistants spent their Saturday afternoon in Hogsmead, Amelia and Luisa spent theirs sat at a desk in the extreme quiet of the Hogwarts library. Littered around them were sheets of parchment with scrawls in Luisa's hand and half a dozen or so book which had been tossed aside when our hunters found them of no use. Ever since that lunchtime, Luisa and Amelia had almost deserted the rest of the group, spending most of their time either barricaded in the library or out in the grounds searching for some peace and quiet.

Amelia's new finding of the prophecy had sent Luisa on a mad hunt for answers; nothing would make her stop until she found the answers. In the text, Luisa had found mention of a chest containing various papers in connection with the recently discovered prophecy. The only problem was the book didn't say where. So much of Luisa's free was devoted to finding exactly where. The biggest clue she had come across was located in a book titled '_Notes of Godric Gryffindor_', which documented everything from the formation of Hogwarts till the death of Gryffindor himself. The book said that a chest that had belonged to Rowena Ravenclaw had been placed with great care, out of place. None of this made sense of course, that is, until this particular afternoon.

"Hey! Amelia, I think I've found something!" Luisa exclaimed excitedly, shoving a very battered book called '_Through the Seers eyes_' in Amelia's face. "Look at that!" She added, pointing to a photograph of a very dog-eared and yellowish piece of parchment.

"Yes?" Replied Amelia slowly, pushing the book down so she could focus properly. "How does this help."

Luisa tutted and began to read. "_Among the artefacts recovered, was a slip of parchment bearing a riddle. Experts believe that it contained the location of a chest that was thought to be the previous possession of one Godric Gryffindor, however, the riddle seemed to be written in a dead language that is no longer spoken."_

"Let's have a look at this riddle then!" This statement from Amelia was more an order than a request, so Luisa handed her the book and her eyes darted around the page.

* * *

When the last lesson of the day had come to an end, the assistants made their way to the Gryffindor common room where endless amounts of food had been brought up from the kitchens, which the House-Elves had been more than happy to give them. The occasion was of course, Dawn's 19th birthday and an excuse for vast amounts of alcohol to be consumed. The group planned to skip dinner and head straight for The Three Broomsticks, getting as wasted as possible then attempting to make their way back up to the castle in the middle of the night. As was normal these days, Luisa and Amelia declined this monumental piss up, in favour of spending the evening huddled in the library, still researching the Prophecy.

"Oh come on you two!" Moaned Dawn, settling herself beside Luisa taking a book from her clutches. "You don't have to drink anything, just be there and watch us!"

"Yeah, you've gotta be there!" Sarah joined in this conversation whilst stuffing her face with Skittles. "Someone's gonna have to hold my hair back when I throw up outside the pub!"

"Firstly, even if I was going I wouldn't do that for you." Snapped Luisa, snatching her book back and flicking it to the page she required. "Secondly, _someone _has to work on this Prophecy; we may need it sooner than we think."

At this point, Louise entered after teaching a particularly rowdy bunch of Slytherin and Gryffindor seventh years. It was fair to say that Louise was annoyed; although that may not have been a strong enough word to use.

"CAN ANYTHING ELSE GO WRONG TODAY!" She yelled at the group as she came storming into the room and throwing her bag on the floor, then proceeding to stamp on it with much vigour. "You wouldn't believe what I've had to put up with today!" She continued to rant, flopping down into an armchair, "And it's not even the students, it's _HIM_! He does everything to make my life a living hell!" She finished, accepting a mug of what looked like brandy from Shaun.

"He's really evil, shame he's your head of house!" Amelia commented sympathetically.

"So? He's sexily evil!" Sarah added, then after observing the looks of disgust from around the group she continued, "Oh come on, don't tell me you haven't noticed his long fingers, and just imagine what they could..."

"Ok, I think we've heard enough!" Said Luisa loudly, stopping the verbal diatribe that was escaping Sarah's lips, as per usual.

"Right then, if you two aren't coming," stated Dawn, putting on her travelling cloak and moving towards the door. "Then the rest of us had better get going, don't want all the alcohol to dry up before we get there!"

The rest of the group followed Dawn's example and fastened their cloaks on their shoulder and made their way out of the Gryffindor room. All were talking excitedly of the evening to come, even though it was looking increasingly possible (judging by past events) that they would not remember this night the next morning.

As they were all heading out the door, Sian stopped mid step and turned to Sarah.

"Did you remember the money for the stripper?" She asked quietly, so that Dawn couldn't hear.

Sarah clapped her hands over her mouth and gasped, her eyes were extremely wide; this seemed to be the answer that Sian was expecting, because she exhaled loudly and rolled her eyes.

"I'll take that as a no shall I?" Sian sighed.

* * *

"Yeah! Let's get this partay started!" Yelled Sarah, upon entering the Three Broomsticks, held by the arm by a very tired looking Dan.

"Sarah, please try and calm down." Louise stated dryly, staring sternly at the crazed blonde.

"I'm not listening!" Sarah shouted in Louise's ear, causing her to clutch them in pain.

"Yes you are, if you want to live through the night!" Louise replied shortly, joining the rest of the group and the teachers at a large table situated at the far end of the pub.

At the ever drawing prospect of having to spend the entire evening with thirteen drunken teenagers, it was understandable that Professors Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, Flitwick, Lupin and Sprout were all looking slightly nervous when the group sat themselves down at their table. Dawn immediately ordered thirteen rounds of Firewhisky which the group had disposed of in about three seconds flat. Sarah pointed out that this may be a record, and even suggested calling the Guinness book of records.

"Dear God, she's only had one and she's off already." Muttered Sarah T to Snape, who was looking increasingly disturbed.

"Why do you allow her to do this to us?" Snape asked, watching whilst Sarah attempted to juggle the empty Firewhisky bottles – unsuccessfully, and ended with Madam Rosmerta scurrying over to the table to clear up broken glass.

Sifting closer to Louise, Sarah went to whisper into her ear, missing, she landed in her lap.

"What!" Louise hissed over the top of her cocktail, a Sloe comfortable screw up against a wall, if you must know!

"Wanna play a little gamey on Snapey and Lupey?" Sarah giggled hysterically whilst Louise merely moved her chair closer.

"I'm listening! What did you have in mind; apart from what's X-rated of course?" Louise commented, putting her drink down.

"Oh this is X-rated all right!" Giggled Sarah, leaning closer to Louise and whispering her cunning plan in her ear.

After much whispering and giggling on both sides, Louise agreed to join in on Sarah's quite frankly extremely saucy plan. Normally Louise would have said no immediately but she'd had enough alcohol for her to agree this time, and in any case, Snape had annoyed Louise so much that day that she was glad for any type of revenge. So when Sarah had explained her plan, and made sure that Louise knew what she had to do, Louise rose from her seat next to Sarah and moved across the table to take up one next to Snape. He gave her a strange look; it was a long time since a woman had voluntarily sat next to him.

"Got bored of Sarah talking nonsense." Louise explained to a puzzled Snape, and taking another swig of her cocktail.

Louise glanced at Sarah who gave her the signal; Louise smirked to herself and seductively leant across Snape, pretending to engage Sarah T in conversation. Sarah took her wand slowly from her pocket and pointed it at Snape's … ahem … lower region. She muttered a few well chosen words, and what seemed to be steam gradually escaped from her wand, finally settling on Snape's lap.

The effect this simple spell had on its victim was instantaneous. His eyes widened so much; they were in danger of popping out of his head. His cheeks went from pale to crimson in a matter of milliseconds, but perhaps most hysterically of all; both of his hands flew down to his lap and he moved closer towards the table. He coughed sharply once or twice and took a large gulp of his drink. Louise lent back into her seat, a very satisfied smile on her face – one that was only matched by Sarah who was doubled up with silent giggles. Putting on a look of concern, Louise turned to Snape, whose gaze hadn't moved from the wall opposite.

"You all right Professor?" Louise asked innocently, whilst biting her lip to prevent her from laughing.

"F-Fine Miss Wilkinson." He coughed; the corners of his mouth twitching as he tried to smile weakly.

"It's just that you look like you're in pain." She said, still taking in the satisfaction of having her Professor exactly where she wanted him.

"Oh no, I'm not in pain I assure you." He said, and this time his answer was with sincerity.

_Around midnight …_

It is widely known that vast amounts of alcohol, ice and a steep hill do not go well together. It was, however, a matter of trial and error for our fifteen young witches and wizards, who stumbled out of the Three Broomsticks, every single one of them with matching smiles and the inability to walk in a straight line. It wasn't until Madam Rosmerta insisted that they return to the castle, helped by the Professor's (well, those who were not merry themselves i.e. Snape, McGonagall and Dumbledore).

So, with much reluctance, they group left the comfort of the pub and slipped their way back up to Hogwarts. Sarah, being unbalanced when she was sober, was having enormous difficulty in making her way up the hill and had to hold tightly onto Sian's shoulder for support.

"You know, if you keep on like this I am not going to have a shoulder!" Scowled Sian, pushing Sarah's arm off.

"Aww, don't be such a mean monkey … hehehe!" Sarah tried to spit out through fits of giggles.

Louise rolled her eyes and held back to assist Sarah, but no sooner as she leant Sarah her arm, than Sarah lost her footing. Grabbing tightly onto Louise's arm, pulled her down the side of the hill. Louise, whilst cracking against the hard ground, reminded herself to remember this incident so that she may personally ensure that Sarah would never be able to swallow anything again (ahem, yes that sentence was intentional) let alone alcohol.

"Argh!" Cried Sarah and Louise as they were stopped from plummeting back into Hogsmead by a perfectly positioned rock, unfortunately they landed with such force, that Sarah was knocked out cold as the weight of Louise crushed her against the rock.

"Oh I can't feel my back!" Moaned Louise as she attempted to regain a standing position.

"Are you alright Miss Wilkinson?" Panted Snape as he rushed to the two girls.

"Yeah I am, but I'm not sure about that." She replied, using her thumb to indicate the sprawled figure on the ground that was Sarah.

"Lupin!" Shouted Snape, turning round and motioning for Lupin to meet them. "Can you lift Miss Worsley to the Hospital Wing; she will be fine in a couple of hours."

Lupin, treading carefully, came to meet the group and lifted Sarah into his arms.

"I am sure that you will spend the night by her bedside, so please inform Madame Pomfrey when she is awake." Sneered Snape as he watched an extremely embarrassed Lupin head towards the school. "Now, as for you, come to my quarters and I shall administer something for the pain."

Louise followed Snape up the hill, with a very mischievous smile on her face.

* * *

_In Snape's living quarters …_

"Drink this, it'll help." Said Snape, handing Louise a vial of runny blue potion. "And then, you had better get some rest."

At this comment, Louise winked at Snape and downed the potion in one gulp.

"You know Professor," breathed Louise, standing up and facing Snape. "You aint so bad looking when you aren't ugly."

Snape furrowed his eyebrows, trying to decipher any sense from her last sentence. Of course she was drunk, and if she was hinting was he thought she was hinting it was only the seven Mulled Meads and the five bottles of Firewhisky talking, not her.

"I think you had better head back to your common room." Replied Snape calmly, as Louise ran her finger up and down his chest, giggling profusely.

"I do not think I could find my way back, _Severus_." Said Louise softly, leaving his side and flopping back onto the sofa. "And it is _very _late, I hope you don't mind if I sleep here tonight?"

Snape stared at the drunken teenager, contemplating whether he should let her stay. It would of course make a change from his usual evenings, alone and reading – ahem, certain books for the adult wizard. As this thought ran through his head, the sound of Louise's giggles drifted through his quarters. He looked down to see the corners of her mouth twitching.

"It would make a change from your normal evenings, _Severus_." Muttered Louise, causing Snape to turn an impressive shade of pink. "I mean, who wants to just read, when you can have fun?"

"You may sleep on the sofa." Said Snape loudly to cover the sound of hysterical laughter.

"Spoil sport." Mumbled Louise, laying down onto the sofa and beginning to snore.

Snape shook his head and retired to his bedroom, trying to ignore the foghorn in the room next door.

"Teenagers." He muttered to himself, whilst pulling a light blue nightshirt over his head.

"You won't need _that _tonight!" Purred a small voice from his chamber door.

"What the –" Cried Snape, not finishing his sentence as Louise walked up to him and began to giggle his choice of night time attire.

Snape's mouth went dry, and for the first time in a long while, the power of speech left him. It was pretty clear that Louise was not really thinking about her actions, and Snape had a shrewd suspicion that she would regret this tomorrow morning.

Louise walked in the straightest line she could muster, while Snape watched, holding the rim of his nightshirt.

"Do you wear any underwear to bed?" Louise asked, grinning mischievously. "Can I have a look?" Louise reached out to grab Snape's nightshirt (while he held it firmly down) when his hand collided with her wrist, stopping her. "You'll have to do better than that, _Severus,"_ replied Louise, waving her other hand in his face, before grabbing his crotch.

The entire colour in Snape's face drained at the contact. Half of him was allowing the pressure on her wrist to decrease, while the other half was telling him that this was a student. _Well, not technically a student, she only just joined, and she is of age in the Wizarding World._

"OH!" Louise exclaimed which caused Snape's thoughts to come to an end. He had not realised that while he was thinking of the pros and cons, Louise had lifted his nightshirt up to reveal that he did in fact, wear no underwear to bed. He liked a healthy breeze around his privates (A/N: Don't you just love that sentence!).

Snape did not dare move. How dare she look at his package when he hadn't even decided if it was all right to yet! He had half a mind to tell her off, when once again, her hand touched him somewhere no one's hand but his own, had touched in years.

"Mm," Louise murmured, running her hand up and down the shaft. "I expected bigger, but beggars can't be choosers," she added, moving her index finger in small circles over the head.

Snape tried not to react, a reaction would only cause her to continue and he didn't want that, did he? As if automatically, a small moan escaped his lips. His legs were trembling, but he didn't notice, all he noticed was how Louise seemed to becoming shorter, as though someone had poured a Striking Potion over her. It took him a moment to realise that she wasn't becoming a house-elf, but kneeling down.

"What – what are you doing?" Snape asked alarmed.

"What do you think?" Louise asked, giggling. "Sarah thinks you taste like chocolate, I wanted to check."

"Well I don't think – _shit,_" Snape said, cut off half way by a sudden warm feeling around him. Snape didn't look down, but stared straight ahead, watching one of his paintings of an old man with long blonde hair give him a saucy wink and disappear from view.

Louise took hold of Snape's rear end with one hand, giving it a hard squeeze, her other hand holding his penis. This hand was moving up and down in a gentle rhythm, while her tongue darted up and down and round the circumference.

Snape's legs were starting to hurt and he desperately wanted to sit down, but the male hormones in him could not bring himself to reject a free blowjob by someone twenty years younger than himself. Though, only a small part of his brain was working, and that part didn't let him make any noise other than a few quiet moans, if he made any indication that he was enjoying this, which he was, he didn't dare think what would happen.

Or where young Sarah would hide Louise's body.

The most noise he made was when he came, he released his feelings in a hoarse groan, his body bucking forwards into Louise's mouth, which made her choke and accidentally dribble half his semen onto his stone floor.

Looking down at the young woman for the first time since this had begun, Snape suddenly let go of his nightshirt, which he was unaware he had held up during the act.

"I think you should go now," Snape said, trying to sound like the professor who once caused a student to wet themselves, just by raising his eyebrows at them.

"Mmm," Louise hummed, wiping her mouth clean with her sleeve. "That was fun."

"It may have been fun for you, but we must not mention this evening's … ah, tutoring to anyone, do you understand?" Snape asked, his eyes flashing as he made his way towards his chamber door, opening it.

"Oh I understand," Louise said, winking obviously, as she walked out into the hallway. "Don't worry! I can keep a secret, I didn't tell Sarah that I dropped her toast this morning in something weird looking and sticky and then fed it to her, so I won't bring up this!"

Snape raised his eyebrows at Louise, clearly apprehensive of her state of mind. "Well I doubt you'll remember this evening anyway the state you're in, so just go back to your dormitory." Snape stood by the door's side as Louise smiled disturbingly at him and began to walk away.

"Oh! One more thing," Louise said as an afterthought, turning to face him. "Sarah was wrong, you don't taste of chocolate. You taste of Marmite."

* * *

Early the next morning, Severus Snape still had not fallen asleep. Every single second of the previous night's events was embedded into his brain, and no matter how hard he tried, they would not go away. In all honesty, he didn't want these images to fade, those few precious minutes in which his fantasy had been fulfilled. Why should they go? As these thoughts became more prominent in his mind, there was a soft knock at the door. Which much grumbling, he staggered from his bed to the chamber door. He opened the door to find Louise standing there in nothing more than a short, red, silk nightgown. Her hair was tangled, whether from sleep or…urm…yes. Severus cleared his throat and tore his gaze away from Louise's attire.

"Miss Wilkinson." He spoke clearly, but his voice quivered slightly. "What can I do for you?"

Louise glanced downwards but quickly realised her mistake. "Sorry" she mumbled, embarrassed. "I have just come to apologise for last night, I wasn't in my right mind and I shouldn't have done what I did."

"Oh," replied Snape, failing to hide the disappointment in his voice. "That's quite alright Miss Wilkinson, I am sure people have done worst things in that state."

"Well … then I should go now." She said quietly, pulling her dressing gown tighter around her and making to exit the vicinity.

"Wait!" Begged Severus, grabbing her wrist. "I think urm…" He paused and took a deep breath. "You're clearly uncomfortable about this situation so please, come inside." He gently tugged on her arm and to his surprise; she let him guide her back into the room where only a few hours before, lust had gotten the better of both of them. They both sat slowly on the edge of his bed, and were silent for a while. Snape was the first to speak.

"I will not let you take the blame for everything." He voiced gently. "I played my part in last nights event too, if I had taken you to your common room when I said, none of this would have happened."

"I know" Louise despaired, and she bit her lip nervously. "But in truth, I wanted to do what I did. I do not even think I was that drunk."

Snape stared at Louise, was this really happening? Snape dung his nails into his palm to snap him out of his trance. "I'm sorry, did I hear you correctly? You wanted…"

Louise sighed. "Oh it doesn't matter, this can't happen. We have to be professional about this. After all, we really ought to set an example for Sarah and Lupin, as you know Sarah does have her…" Louise paused, searching for the right word. "…needs."

Snape battled to fight his disappointment, he knew Louise was changing the subject but he also knew that she had a point. This had to be a professional relationship and how could they have one if they were lusting after each other at every given opportunity. No, Louise was right as always, you can't mix business with pleasure and expect no consequences. He just hoped that they hadn't destroyed the level of trust that they had gained.

"I hope, Miss Wilkinson that we can put this incident behind us and continue the business relationship that we worked so hard to achieve." Snape felt relieved that his voice didn't quaver, but underneath that businesslike tone was a river of gut wrenching disappointment. Perhaps he would just have to get Louise drunk again to experience one night of pleasure then use a memory charm to erase that particular memory from her delicate mind. A smile threatened to take over his lips.

"Yes, I'm sure a profession relationship can be maintained. Well, thank you Professor for making me talk about this. It really has helped." Louise smiled weakly. "I'd best get back before anyone notices I'm missing." She walked to the door leaving Severus sitting alone on the bed. "Good night… Severus" She made to close the door, but Snape ran to catch her.

"No, wait!" He pleaded, holding the door so that she couldn't close it. "I'm not sure that I want you to leave."

Louise simply stared at her Professor, marvelling at his change in personality.

"Perhaps it would be best if we talked a little more." He said gently, clutching Louise's hand and leading her over to the bed.

"Yes, that's what you meant." Smirked Louise mischievously. "Talk."

Snape smiled back at the young woman sitting on his bed, thinking for this first time that his life was taking a definite up turn.

* * *

**Author's note: **I hope that Dawn (AKA blondebouncingferret) didn't gross you out too much with her saucy input to this chapter!

After you've recovered, read and review!


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